Unforgettable, thats what You are

2011-06-21T23:05:00.002+08:00

A long, hard journey leads me here
- it's a place where i am perhaps stuck in a moment
looking back and looking forward
somehow
being able to observe all the intricacies and little nuances
- of life, of love

A debt has been paid for this very life,
in fact, for all

and i realise,
Dear Jesus
i want to Love You more

some days

2010-10-26T00:27:00.003+08:00

some days are just better than others
when the heart finds acceptance
freedom: to, and in love

some days just feel great
not a worry in sight
how you'd wish it'll be forever

but some days
all is lost
crushed

sadly, when these days come
i just want to give up
lost in a question
simply "why?"

some days, you just want to be loved.

some days...

To Lynn Yee

2010-09-26T03:00:00.003+08:00

Search the world and you will find
people able to picture their home in mind
but even the finest of the Scotland Yard
cannot find a place for the Son of Man's regard

Fantastic Mr Fox even made a home
of the finest wood and cobblestone
Big Bird wanders Sesame Street
but lays in his nest, to rest his feet

No matter the season
the joy, the pain, the worst, the best
do know Dear Sister
He holds you in His Arms & draws you to His Chest
for near His Bosom you will find:
Home is where the heart is
and in Heaven He'll show you what He had in Mind

2010-09-13T10:43:00.003+08:00

but perhaps the greatest beauty lies within
of the heart & mind
mortality itself, proves so;
we grow old and gray
wrinkled skin

but come what may
the renewing of a beautiful mind
withstands the stringent test of time

the heart
fade not its' beauty
for no man is able to see
what its' worth truly be

for beauty is encompassed
not by what you can or will do

without these bloodied organs
perhaps you'll wake up one day to find
where is the beauty that once was mine?

The Meaning Of It All. A Wonderful Story

2010-06-29T16:39:00.008+08:00

What an amazing week this has been, what started out with feeling lost and confused only ended in joy and a sense of purpose. I must give all Glory to God alone. I will try my best to capture the very essence of how God has brought me through (and still is) by His Amazing Grace.

About 2 years ago, i felt a strong conviction to serve all the brothers in my life, as best i could. I had given up on relating with the sisters almost altogether. At most, i would just be talking about something general or vague in my interactions with them, this was because i had received advice from Brother Jason Wong, who changed my life & thinking with a simple sentence: 'How many times can you go to the zoo? how many times can you go to the birdpark without feeling bored? soon enough you will feel saturated because we as men, are the ones who keep pushing for more intimacy.' I felt so convicted to change my life in how i viewed relationships. From then on, i had poured out my life, time and energies to serving God primarily, by going where He wants me to go, and doing what i felt He wanted me to do.

I won't deny that the 2 years spent were good, but i realised that i had adopted a 'all or nothing' attitude when it comes to relating with girls. Around the guys i was zealous and passionate about doing things, going places and having fun. But around the girls, i was very cautious, and found myself becoming passive towards blessing them. I won't regret how i approached and acted out on what i had decided, because i felt that God was pleased as i had chosen to align my thinking on a kingdom scale. I performed well in my studies, attaining the highest GPA in my class, as well as giving my all at my workplace and learning fast. I poured out my life unto all around me as best i knew how to.

Flash forward to my 22nd birthday. I had just moved in to Tampines at the start of the year and was adjusting to my new life: A life without the Kembangan club suppers and all. Little did i realise that one closed door means another opened. I had new friends that stayed around me, amongst them was a very interesting girl. I had known her all along in cell for the last 4 years or so, but was afraid to talk to her as i knew she had a boyfriend outside of church. To me, it was a form of respecting her and not wanting to jeopardize my emotions at all. (once again, all or nothing) As we were in the same cell, i had many opportunities to hang out with her and the other cell members, and even got a chance to send them home afterwards. All these i did with no strings attached, and my heart was purely thinking along the lines of being 'inclusive'. I had no hidden motives or agendas, in fact i didn't really care about it. To me i was happy just where i was.

As time began to pass, i found myself being able to interact with her more and more. Firstly, i had bought a new car and was giving lifts to everyone who needed one. I used my car as a gift to serve others and consider their interests. She happened to be one of the passengers that i had had to send home after cell frequently, then, on a particular occasion, she had bought some beer, and i cheekily asked her for one as a 'toll' for sending her home. Gladly, she obliged. I then proceeded to ask for her number before i dropped her off. This was because i intended to carry on my supper routines and forming a 'Tampines Club'. Thankfully, she was open about the idea and we exchanged numbers.

Little did i know, that these small events would amount to the greatest experience of my life thus far. Not because she's my girlfriend now, but because i was lead on a long and hard journey to find and meet God.

On my 22nd birthday, some of the guys had organised a birthday celebration for me. I then asked her and another friend if they wanted to join along with the celebrations. She, being the great girl that she is, had already asked if i was doing anything on my birthday beforehand, and as a friendly gesture, offered up her time, so that she could spend it to bless me. I was honestly greatful that a seemingly 'new friend' was willing to go to such a distance. We arranged to go together (i drove) and that was my first time getting to know her better. I cannot remember exactly what we talked about, but what i do remember was that as she talked, i began to find her more and more interesting in a genuine way. To put it simply, we 'connected' as friends almost instantly.

Slowly, i began to interact more and more with her. I had gone from viewing her as 'interesting' to 'very interesting', and soon after from 'very interesting' to develop a liking towards her. I looked forward to talking to her weekly, and from there, it slowly began to be an almost daily activity. We shared many laughs, many conversations about everything and anything; some of which she initiated. I felt i had found a girl that i could fall in love with. I was deeply attracted to her.

On the following Sunday, we were scheduled to sell breakfast together in church. I couldn't be more happy. As we were finishing up for the day's duties, i saw Uncle Steven talking to her. He hadn't seen her around before, and i had a chance to tell him that she's been attending YC for the past 4 years now. Being Uncle Steven, he asked if she felt attracted to anyone in YC. He also asked if she was praying for a life partner. As she answered him, i had continued to clear the rubbish bin, but was not ready for the next thing i was about to hear. Plainly, she turned to me and asked: "dan, have you been praying for a wife?" Words cannot express how shy and 'embarrassed' i was! My first reaction in my heart to the question was :"Yes. You!" But of course, i didn't say something to scare her! I quietly nodded and blushed, while walking away at the same time. What a strange situation that was! After service, i took the initiative to ask if she wanted a lift home. My heart raced when she said 'Yes!'.

As we continued to talk and text each other, i felt a deep desire to Honour her and make her feel safe around me. I also prayed to God: "Lord, that i won't manipulate or attempt to control anything this time around." I just wanted it to be natural, as natural as possible. Our friendship grew in a short span of 2 months and i genuinely felt that she had some sort of liking towards me. (of course i already had a huge liking towards her!) She'd be open about how her day went, how she felt, and began telling me all sorts of small but interesting information about herself, her family and her past. I couldn't feel more joyful. I was bubbling over! She willingly allowed me to spend time with her that no other guy did. I made an effort to remember everything she told me, and i became more conscious in my desire to spend time with her. I watched her play soccer every Tuesday & served her in many ways. I even got to spend time cooking with her at her place for her sister's office party; and as i was sending her to the party, i got an unexpected invitation from her to come along. I knew in my heart, that i had been able to make her feel safe when she was around me.

Soon, as i began to feel more and more encouraged, i started becoming bolder in my statements towards her. I felt that a hidden agenda had creeped into my heart, in that, i feel that i wanted her to tell me that she liked me (now i see how un-Manly that is!). I realised that i had flew leaps and bounds ahead of her & our friendship. My lack of real knowledge and wisdom in this area of my life (BGR) was formed with a distorted view. I was applying my 'all or nothing' style into a situation which cannot be done in that manner. Relationships are more delicate and should be approached with more care. It's not that i did not pray, but i know now that my prayers were said in a manner to serve a side of me that i had neglected for all this while, the Holy Spirit began to tell me how selfish i was and that i didn't know enough about relationships to truly love her. I did not guard myself well, nor did i seek covering from my Spiritual Mother (Pastor) & brother Ian Wong.

Flashback: Over the 2 years of my abstinence, i began to read more Christian books. 'Life on the Edge' by James Dobson, 'I Kissed Dating Goodbye' By Joshua Harris and 'Wild at Heart' by John Aldrige. In all these books were deposited in me little nuggets of wisdom and how to approach relationships of such nature. I was consumed and read like there was no tomorrow. I began seeing things clearly, and was able to deconstruct sentences to form principles which i were to adhere to strictly. I was very good at quoting them to my fellow brothers (and some sisters) and became good at debating and challenging false ideals in front of everyone else. It seemed like i knew quite abit, and on top of that i said them with a full conviction of the Holy Spirit, resulting in lives being blessed. Somehow, looking at things from a 3rd Person's perspective was easy. I was able to zoom in on key issues that my friends were going through and offered the best advice (even if it was what they didn't want to hear), not just in relationships, but in general.

With that in mind, i thought i had it all settled. I felt that the wait was over; that God had finally brought someone in my life whom i would choose to love for a lifetime. The way she smiles, the things she says, her background... Everything! But what i didn't really look out for was that she really Loved God. I knew how to say it with my lips and could rationalise it with my head. But my heart was far away from this key factor. Only now, i realise that God is the only reason why 2 people should get together as 1. It was His Heavenly design. A man's role in a relationship was intended for him to be the initiator, to serve the best interests of the woman, to lead her spiritually and to love her with all that he has, and by the Grace of God succeed. To desire for her to look to God for her soul's satisfaction. For her to walk closer to God. For Her to be a Godly Woman. And with all that said, it was for Him to be a Godly Man, and to love God more and more each day. To meet God and be changed.

Yes, i was and still am deeply attracted to her. But i did not have the knowledge that has been revealed to me now. To put it simply, i knew HOW to do what i was supposed to do. But i did not know WHY i had to do them. I had no personal conviction whatsoever. I had kept a ungodly view of relationships in my heart.

Spurred by my emotions, i began to feel restless and for the first time in a long time, i felt emotionally unstable when she didn't respond or when she wasn't around. I feel so silly and foolish now recounting these feelings. I had loved myself more than i loved her. The truth was out, but i couldn't see it. I resorted to asking the people around me for advice, and they had plenty of good things to say. Many encouraged me to 'go for it' by telling her of my intentions, and they had based that on the factor that 'she's a great girl, and that i'm a great guy.' As i heard all these encouraging words from the people around me, it gave me a sense of peace. I then approached Pastor and Brother Wong for advice. Pastor's advice was to wait for her to 'grow into it' and be her friend in the meantime, while Brother Wong's advice was that with what i shared with him, i was at the right place with the right attitude, (honestly i thought i was!) and even told me how he told Eeleen how he liked her. With that, my heart was at peace, and soon, i decided to let her know of my feelings towards her. Totally overlooking what Pastor had shared with me.

I had told myself that i was going to tell her after church camp. By the Grace of God, i was able to share with her what God had spoken to me during the camp. I said it without any hidden intention of winning her affections. I still wanted to Honour God more than anything. With that being said, i came to a hasty decision on a Sunday, inspired by more friends who told me to 'go for it'. I wanted to ask her if she could meet me at night, and then i would her know everything. On the way back to church to find her, i instead found Pastor at the 6th Floor while i was about to get out. I told her about my plans and with a worried look on her face, she sat me down and told me that i could do what i wanted, but that she would not give her covering. I cried as i heard what she had to say, but knew that deep in my heart, all i wanted to do was Honour God and my Spiritual Mother more than anything. It wasn't all about getting the girl. Pastor Prayed for me and told me to call her afterwards. When i did, she told me 'Well done, you have passed the test.' & i broke down to tears.

That night, i was broken before God. I thought that i had been doing everything well and i really liked her. Greatly affected, i was very saddened, and thought about withdrawing from her altogether, like how i did for similar situations in the past. (due to 'all or nothing' again) It was during these hard times that God began to start a great and might work that i could never have imagined. Firstly, Xiang, encouraged me not to give up, or neither to withdraw. He told me to remember that pastor said that i could still get to know her better as a friend, and wait for her to 'grow into it'. Jiahao, told me that i was flying ahead of her and she couldn't catch up, that i should slow down and enjoy friendship with her, and that my response was great because i followed with a good attitude. Lester, listened to my concerns and knew i was feeling lost. He encouraged me by saying that 'if she knew what you had gone through and the amount of thinking you have considering, the amount of prayer you have sowed, and the willingness to submit to authority because you love her, she will be thankful and Honoured that you did so. You are a great guy, Daniel'. I knew God was encouraging to me not to give up and not to withdraw either.

Then the most amazing thing happened. As i lay my head to rest with a heavy heart, God spoke clearly and gave me a verse. He just said 'Philippians 2:1' and i went immediately, reading down till verse 5, i felt that this was very specific for me. It reads: "¹If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. ⁴Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. 5Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus." I was shocked! This passage is specific to how i lived my life in the past 2 years sowing into the lives of others. I knew all along HOW, but now i began to see clearly, and back up with scripture. Now i knew WHY. Why i was doing all the things i do. Glory be to God alone. I fell asleep, with real peace in my heart.

The next day i rose early and headed out with a book that i wanted to finish reading for awhile now, it's entitled 'Honour's Reward' by John Bevere. So much spiritual truths were opened to me. I felt now, that i had a direct access to God's presence and could feel Him very closeby. He began to reveal many secrets that i hadn't known earlier, and was affirming what i had did for all this while. He told me He had to build me up in order for me to realise my foundations were not firm. He had shattered what had needed to be shattered. And He was going to build me up now, with the right foundation. I have never felt so close to God before, and i could directly talk to Him, and He would answer almost immediately.

With God personally by my side, i began to dig for more spiritual truths. He was doing a great work in my life with His personal touches. I had seriously reconsidered not going to watch her play soccer anymore because i thought it was for her best interests. Thankfully, i met my cousin, Isaac, for supper that night. In love, he gave me a dressing down. Although i honestly did not know much about handling such issues of the heart and pleaded innocence with him, his harsh but loving rebukes really awakened my mind to see things in a different light. 2 Things i learnt that night: Firstly, "Do not withdraw, because if you do, you will imply that she isn't worth it anymore. Do you want that to happen?" My instantaneous response was "She's definitely worth it!" and Second, "Don't tell everyone, even if they ask. It's not cool when everyone knows and the girl is last to find out." I felt like an idiot when i heard that. I was honestly innocent! So i prayed and believed. "Lord Jesus, i pray you would shut the minds, hearts and mouths of those who i have told about this matter. Until the time is right." My cousin affirmed me that i had a special friendship with her, but it still needs time and space for it to fully develop into something deeper in nature. I was determined not to give up.

For a few days in a row, i felt the Holy Spirit's presence very strongly. I was awakened early in the morning everyday, & knew that God wanted me to draw close to Him at the start of the day. For many years i had neglected spending intentional quality time with God. Spiritual truths began to hit me fast and hard as i continued to read and pray. They penetrated deeply into my soul and spirit. As i received from God, i began to share with the selected brothers that i chose to be accountable to only from now on. They were amazed by what God was doing & i was amazed by the depth of God's Love. I felt so safe because i knew God had placed many safety nets to secure my friendship with her. His Love, Grace and Mercies endures forever. As a confirmation that i should go, she replied my message and also told me the time of the match. I went to soccer that night, but i went with a heart to bless my sister in Christ.

I could feel a change when i was around her, and i could tell she felt it too. It was just very comfortable being around her. I had prayed earlier 'Lord i commit my plans unto You. But You work out Yours." It was really encouraging, and the atmosphere seemed to shift back to that of when i first started to get to know her. She became mysterious again, in a good way. I was happy for her that night. Her team won their first league match after such a long wait! Along with 2 other team mates, she asked me if i'd like to watch the world cup at a pub nearby. The answer was a no-brainer. Only a fool would say no!

It was a really enjoyable time. Her friends began to open up more and looked really interested when i gave my feedback about their game. On top of that, I was affirmed greatly when she began to tell little bits of unimportant but fun information, and how she prodded me to get my attention when we were watching the match. (if she had something to say) I felt greatly blessed to be her friend. After the match, we paid and headed home. I noticed that they didn't charge me for a beer, but i decided to leave it as that. As we were sending her friends home, she wanted me to drop her off at her home with one of the girls, and she'd then send her back. I knew i shouldn't discount her decision, but it was a critical point, the 'all or nothing' me was being put to the test. All i can say is that sending her back home was the harder thing to do for me. But i knew i had to do it. The Holy Spirit had prompted me.

I decided against sending a message to her that night, but i couldn't sleep. Then i recalled about the beer and God said 'you didn't pay for it'. I knew that i had to Honour God and man. So the next day i went back to pay (without her knowing) The manager smiled at me and said: "Sir, it's our mistake, we will bear the consequences." However, i insisted and paid. She smiled again and said "Are you in the F&B line?" I nodded. "That's why you'll know how we feel. Thank You." I knew i had Honoured God.

My early mornings had become a pleasure by now, and i had never failed to meet God in a special way. Jiahao wanted to pass me a book entitled 'Boy meets Girl' by Joshua Harris, and we arranged for me to pick it up at night from him. As night drew near, i felt a leading to just drive near to his place. As i was driving by talking to God, i saw the sign 'Mount Faber' and thought it would be a good idea to go up since i haven't done so before. Best choice i ever made. Although still thinking about all that had happened throughout the day, i knew God was dealing with me and transforming me through all this. I climbed up what seemed to be an unending flight of steps, and imagined how it'd be like if she were by my side. At the top, there was a landing with wooden planks, and a huge open area. I walked towards the edge and came to a view that overlooked harbourfront. I talked to God and prayed for the Spirit of God to fall upon me. What a wonderful time of fellowship and worship i had with God. It was very special. As i was dancing away and singing, He spoke to me and said :"I dance over you when you are unaware." I knew without a doubt, that i had met God.

After that, i went to pick up the book from Jiahao. I told him about the experiences i had over the past few days. His words were uplifting and encouraging. I knew then and there that it wasn't about 'The girl that you'll get. It's about the man you'll become." Each person's story is different. I knew i couldn't use anyone else's method to love the girl i liked. God was writing my very own story. God had planned it all. A girl sparked a great discovery for me to seek and find God. As i flipped open the book that night, i couldn't help but chuckle. Even through the introduction of the book, God was speaking to me and telling me how much He Loves me. I instantly recalled the sweet memories with her as i read on. The pages of the book came to life. I couldn't stop saying 'AMEN!' in my spirit. God is indeed wise!

As i poured through the book, my spirit was greatly ministered too. I felt so many affirmations from God, that i was doing the right things all these 2 years to guard my heart. Learning principles on how to love, and furthermore, know i knew why. Men and women were created equally by God, just that He gave them different roles. Men are to serve the women by being the initiators, have their best interests at heart, lead her spiritually, and give emotional support. Women are to submit, to respect & encourage. I felt now, i could break so many spiritual myths. We are all to treat one another as brothers and sisters in Christ, until we make our intentions known. Love must be coupled with wisdom.

Specifically, God has been telling me key learning points in this wonderful journey. Firstly, He arranged all of this to happen in the way that it did, so that He can show me that He Loves me. The books He sent my way, the friends i have by my side, the word of knowledge and Heavenly Wisdom that i have downloaded and the beauty i see in the girl i admire; loving one another romantically was God's idea. I know now He REALLY REALLY LOVES ME and wants to give me the best. As i probed further, i knew that it was nothing that i did to make Him Love me, it was Him all along. His Character, His Grace, His Esteem over His Creation. It points back to Him. He alone is worthy of all Glory and Honour. He made it all to Glorify Himself, because He is worthy. He's Just That Good. He wants us to walk with Him personally and trust Him. He Knows Best. His Timing is Perfect. His Wills Good things for those that love Him, and for those the He Loves.

God paid the highest amount to first love us. He died on the Cross. He took all the sin and shame, to simply put it, He died for the selfish, the proud, the idolator, the fornicator, the paedophile, the drug lord, the slave driver, the wicked, the perverse. Anything bad you can name, He died for that. It's like we all owe a debt of a huge sum of money, and God came in the save the day. He paid our debts. Not only that! On top of paying what we owe, God wants to bless us with more! How on earth did we deserve that?! We don't! Only by His Grace. Acknowledging and being thankful for this Grace is the simplest form of Honour we all can give to Him. He wouldn't ask You to do something that He wouldn't do Himself. His Heavenly designs and thoughts are above ours and perfect in every way.

I could continue to share this amazing story, but it's still in the process of being completed. Right now, i am thankful because our friendship is still growing, i realise now, what a Godly woman she is. Her wisdom and insights have encouraged me to become a more Godly man, and i admire her more for that now. How two friends can pursue a courtship (and eventually marriage) is only by God's Grace and Will. Godly men and women who submit to authority and leadership, and point each other towards God is not only meaningful, but will be the basis of a life long relationship. In the ups and downs of life, God will be the focus. God can bless our lives through one another but ultimately, He is releasing the blessings. I commit my current situation to God and know He will direct my path. I hope this story will bless many lives, both young and old. To God Alone Be The Glory!

abcdef G

2010-06-14T23:22:00.000+08:00

Auroras glitter
Berries bitter
Carols singing
Dreams ringing
Ever pleasant
Forever present:
God's Presence

2010-05-04T17:43:00.001+08:00

my last meal

who would wait to choose as he pleases
from the gallons of vast wine and cheeses?
Or search to find the best cut of meat
only to end up with a case of cold feet?

"To eat to live or to live to eat?"
ive heard it said aplenty
apparent as the question may be,
to him who walks down life's final aisle
to him, it won't be dandy

who knows what awaits as he turns the corner?
a knife? a gun? a speeding car?
or illness that plagues the body, creeping like a cancer
he walks the path of solitute and turns to find the answer

a life taken for granted
of taste, of sound and colour
a life regretting not pausing to feel
the splendour, the smell of flowers

my last meal i dont know when
but this i know and desire
to eat with gratitude and give praise
like it's the last
to the one who is my consuming fire.

21.

2009-03-23T00:58:00.001+08:00

21

A new day
A fresh start
I Thank You God
For staying in my heart

A year older
A milestone mark
I Praise You God
For Your Tender touch
You've breathed Life
to my battered soul
healed my heart
and made it whole

Once again
I dedicate to Thee
Here i am Father
Use Me

Shades

2009-01-28T01:00:00.003+08:00

Emotions, what are they truly?
perhaps almost unreliable

Grief overwhelms me now and then
but who told it when to stop?

time has passed and things are different
surely, yes, i think so too

part of me seems to fade away
parts i thought that i once knew

Oh, tenderness, where have you gone?
did you take humility along with you?

Fear of God i need you now
to make my life anew.

2009-01-10T16:06:00.001+08:00

Daniel took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test!

"Strives for a life rich in activity and experience..."

Click here to read the rest of the results.

Thanks

2008-09-16T00:13:00.002+08:00

Dear God,

i know that i can never ever come to the full understanding of how much You Love, Care and shower me with blessings, so with my limited being, i give thanks. Lead me on, i Pray, for the road ahead is a big mystery.

Love,
Your Son

Driving II

2008-09-09T11:08:00.005+08:00

PRAISE BE TO GOD ALMIGHTY!
For He has blessed me
Only by His Grace and Mercy
and His everlasting peace
He guided my hand and steered my path
through years of sorrow and pain
but as of today, one journey is over
and many more yet to begin
He gave me rest and awakened me
and i, too shocked- just greatful eternally!

THANK YOU FATHER GOD FOR YOUR PROVIDENCE!
i have passed the driving test!

Driving

2008-07-09T15:54:00.002+08:00

Phew, i just came back from my driving TP test and i failed, guess it's a second try for me. No matter, it does not sadden me to take the test due to skill, but actually its the money. Thanks to Mum and Dad for paying so much.
Right now, God's kinda speaking some stuff through this result. Time to apply the fruits of the spirit! Even if God didn't bless me this time round, surely there are lessons to be learnt. I hope to grow more in patience and joy. Its a transformation from the inside out. My choices make a difference.

The physical test might be over and out, but the crunch time spiritual test is about to begin
Game on.

Help

2008-07-01T23:27:00.002+08:00

Borderline insanity
the questions in my head
the nightmares still resound
Dear Lord, what have i done?

i wish to confess of my past congressions
the sins of self centered desire
i'm... sick
but You, O Jesus, came to deliver the sick
the emptiness in my heart and soul
need a fresh anointing
with that in place i sincerly ask too
Your discipline and Grace

DESPERATE

Mask

2008-06-19T23:14:00.003+08:00

Good morning, how do you do?
who would you like to be today?

i'd like to hide my feelings and the pain
and to make others think i'm okay.

Good day, your request is shown
and nothing's on display

i'd want to do the right thing now
but there's nothing i can say.

Good evening, how do you do?
and just how was your day?

i'd wish i'd make a break and run
but tears just come my way

Hush now, Good night, and dry your tears
till good morning the next day

Silence

2008-06-11T23:05:00.004+08:00

a secret desire
a silent content
the heart catches fire
and feelings rant
stuck in the forest
nowhere to go
stuck in this prison
death on parole
a sacred encounter
not merely by chance
cut my heart open
let surgery commence

Rededication

2008-06-06T10:20:00.002+08:00

Ask not what the world needs
but what makes a man come alive
because the world needs men that come alive

Father God, only by Your Grace have i been able to live
it's all about You and connecting with You.
Can an ant understand the fullness of a human being?
so too we as Your creation fail to see the fullness of You, O King.

And i, but a instrument and a vessel for You
once again dedicate my life to Your service
to live by drawing upon Your strength
that i too, may reflect Your likeness as a man

Many things i may not understand
but this call to live life's adventure is the right path
though battles and scars await
the honour for being wounded for You is satisfaction

Words simply fail to describe how great You are

I need Your guidance daily
Help me, hear my cry O Lord.
Oh how sweet, when Thou bestows
"My Son, My Friend"

The Bottle

2008-04-26T14:59:00.003+08:00

I can't bring myself to a place anymore where i subtly focus on me
for too many times i did before and the shame still burdens me

to be so self-seeking
yet, to give the inner parts away
a vile concoction of twisted truth
and feelings gone astray

so hush, this shadow
go ahead, walk on by
and pray it'll all be different tomorrow
and hope its not a lie

for i can do nothing but weep
like a weaned child... drift to sleep

Hits And Misses

2008-02-18T23:42:00.000+08:00

Walking Happy

2008-01-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

Lord, You're more than enough for me
and i, should not waiver left or right
why should i seek distractions when you are my answer
good things might not be the God things
unveil my eyes
uncloud my vision
my happiness lies in You
what can i do that you have not provided for?
how much can i serve to compare with the maker of the universe?
You who measured the dimensions and marked out its borders
You who sustain me with your might.
I am powerless.
Take me in, You who love me
I am Yours and You are mine

Recapture

2007-11-20T21:39:00.000+08:00

Dark Clouds at Mid-day

Amber Warmth lights the darkened room
Jazz compliments falling rain
Snug and Cosy
Feeling Loved

--
A Favourite Time Of Mine

Funny Me

2007-11-06T22:29:00.000+08:00

Here are somethings about me that i think are not usual with others.

Everytime i see someone falling asleep, i giggle uncontrollably (ESP when headbanging)
When i find something really funny, i laugh extremely long. (40 mins was the record)
When i was 5 i cried cause one of my stickers got flushed away. (I gave all my belongings a form of life)
If you've seen me eat spicy food, you'll never believe that i couldn't even eat fast food chilli sauce when i was young.
I don't find it boring when i train on something on my own. (Basketball, Winning 11 etc.)
People wonder why i never joined Rugby.
I'd used to wait until it was really late then go running when there was not many people.
I never watched or knew ANYTHING about Football until 2000 World Cup.
When i was 7, i told the bus driver that i wasnt going back with him and took the MRT, got lost, simply went back to the right direction, didn't panic, and got home at 7pm.
I once fell while roller blading, chipped my tooth and it GREW BACK! (All Glory to GOD)

Something about nothing

2007-10-27T01:58:00.001+08:00

Where do i even begin
how do i start?
the memories i once held close
now all faded
torn apart

So it seems life's one big mystery
each turn and tune a different path
lately perhaps, all i miss is that laugh

i'm incoherent, who wouldnt know?
but i don't write this for mere show
i cant stop, from hiding far away
The sun rises and sets - yet another day

drifting into slumber
a night's reflection shows sorrow
cried out for a saviour
and braced my heart for tomorrow

Peace

2007-10-15T22:21:00.000+08:00

Had an off day today, due to serving cover up duties for my camp. Really felt the sabbath rest that i have been needing for such a long time. Yesterday, the bishop of the methodist churches in singapore spoke at the service. It was about Significance and Security, no matter how you break down the things in life, it boils down to the 2 mentioned... Which set me thinking and shortly after, started to disect things in my life.

Went to meet up with the Rex Power himself, Jiahao, at his place. The conversation was so rejuvinating, yet new. Indeed, God knows our limits. I should go jot down certain things.

Dear Daddy God, thanks for being all that i ever need. Peace that transcends understanding.

walk on by

2007-10-11T01:48:00.000+08:00

so when i walk by the halls and down the streets
and i see you in the corner, we dont meet
i walk on by

my heart wants to open up and beat
and tell you that you've swept me off my feet
but strangely, i walk on by

holding back, all these feelings i'll keep
and walk on by

you seem so near
but yet so far
makes me wonder who you really are
so deep inside i grieve and cry
when i see you walk on by

finding my voice

2007-10-02T23:25:00.000+08:00

3 words of feeling:
puzzled
bewildered
confused

i can't seem to find much to say

and if i do, i cant speak

its hard, this silence

yet it must go on.

the games people play

and im caught in the middle

and so i want to know,

but answers are never near

3 words that really matter:
God
Loves
me

Well, Then Why?

2007-08-29T23:12:00.000+08:00

Am i too cold
or just not bold
to see you eye to eye
everytime i think or write of you
i simply want to cry

Well, then why must you stay a distance
and don't seem to care
everything we ever shared
now merely a distant "there"

now it's hard for me to carry on
no one to speak to
no one to know
so tell me
Well, then why
must the same love that made me laugh make me cry

Edge

2007-07-30T02:53:00.000+08:00

When you lose all your senses
where do you turn?
When nothing's familiar
and the world simply spurns

Wandering blind, no scent that's sweet
the taste in your mouth is but deceit
The sound of silence, could it be?
lifeless touch - what has becomed of me?

Stop this insanity now, call the curtains
that is my cry, it's all that i'm certain
i'd rather die and rot in flesh
than to decay in the anguish
of a spiritual cancer

Spanking New

2007-07-25T19:51:00.000+08:00

This is the hottest beer in town!

Proudly Brought to You by Wibowo Brands Pte Ltd

2007-07-21T22:16:00.000+08:00

the secrets of the soul
hides the story the flesh has told
the constraint brings the pain of make up
a little rouge and cosmetics to change its outlook

a plague from within soons births forth
leading to the destruction of all theatrics
the stage soon crumbles and caves in
and soon the realisation of devestation
drops of cruel rain

spectators, what are they?
a mere tit for tat,
a plain exchange
everyone else alive is watching your performance
their judgement comes forth from cerebral silence

perhaps living out your life is a matter when you're not on the stage
for your act could merely be a cover up of reality

Though You're Gone

2007-06-18T23:43:00.001+08:00

My thoughts go back to the times we shared
A moment in time without a world's care
and the night was just ours to spend
your laughter filled my hearts' content

The time has long ended
But oh, i remember how splendid
and though it seems you're long gone
the memories linger on

There 'neath the light of the moon
Wonderful conversation which ended too soon

The moon descended
And I found with the break of dawn
You and your laughter have gone
But the memory lingers on

a miss of the amiss

2007-06-10T05:49:00.000+08:00

The view among the shadows
coupled with the sound of heavy breath
blood coursing through veins
giving essence to your very being

i love running.
i fell in love with something i thought i'd never be able to
and now, how i miss the sensation.
i love running in the wee hours of the morning
while the world is asleep.

the sights and sounds are like no other
the time where the world has seemingly stopped
and its just you
taking it all in
its beautiful

but since my injury i haven't been able to run as freely as i'd like
just came back from one
i felt like i was going to puke while running halfway
had to stop.
but soon, i'll recover.
and once again
the adrenaline i'll taste

who Grandpa was to me

2007-05-13T10:02:00.000+08:00

As most of you might know, it was about a week ago when my grandfather entered into Glory in the Lord Jesus. I am comforted by the fact that although he was praying to other gods for most of his life, the fact that he was a pious and devoted man tells me that when he accepted Jesus into his life, never once did he think back. "I have decided to follow Jesus, No turning back..."

Although i haven't heard his voice for the past 7 years, i still remember the deep, coffee soaked voice that he had, a warm smile and a cheerful laughter. That uplifting laughter still resonates in my head. My Grandfather's name is Goh Ah Huat, he lived till 85 and during the last 7 years of his life, he was bed-ridden with a chronic stroke. The agony during those days was simply dreadful: not being able to talk while still being able to listen, totally no control over any muscle accept for one thing; His eyes.

My grandpa used his eyes and ears to communicate with the rest of the family. If something was being said to him, and he'd want to say "yes", he would blink his eyes, i know that although this limits him to only answering questions, but when he was staying at my place, i'd spend time with him just playing him some oldies, and stroking his head gently. I think he kinda liked that cause he'd always look at me and blink his eyes saying "thank you" and "i love you too"

I'm thankful that in my earlier years i spent a significant amount of time in his flat in Toa Payoh listening to all the wonderful tales and songs he sang, as well as learning lessons in life that have been imbued in me. For most of his life, my grandfather worked at the same company and job; being a lawyer's clerk. His outstanding performance, determination and loyalty allowed him to stay for many decades under the same employer, and he did this all for a simple sum of 10 dollars a day. With that 10 dollars he managed to put food on the table for his family. And even when they grew up and got married, he still continued to work for that simple amount.

My Grandpa legacy was simplicity; living life in a way where he did things that mattered. He loved sleeping on a rattan mat, something i would say is on the brink of extinction. As a kid i always wondered why he didn't want to sleep on a bed. And so i decided to give it a try myself one night, and found it very pleasant. The beauty of simplicity was what made me enjoy, having the bare minimum but still having the most, as it was my grandpa that was sleeping next to me. Ah Kong got up every morning at 5 without fail. By the time i woke up, he wouldn't be in the house, but he'd soon return with many delicacies from the market. He introduced me to many kinds of food, and the one i remember most was putu mayam, and along with that came many delicious and colourful kuehs. How simple life must be, to enjoy the colours, to be delighted by the array and to taste. I guess its different nowadays.

Ah Kong taught me many of life's lessons. One such lesson was when he set up an ang pow tree. He brought me to the tree and asked me to choose which one i wanted, the biggest prize available was 50 dollars. So Naturally, being small and naive, i'd go for the biggest one i saw. Thinking that it was a straightforward piece of cake... Hahaha, how wrong and disappointed i was when i only saw 5 dollars! He later revealed to me that the 'big one' was actually the smallest one tucked away in a corner. Perhaps it really reflected upon his character, having substance and humility at the same time. And not judging the book by it's cover.

Looking back now, i can really see that my grandfather was a man who was different, and who made a difference. He loved drinking Ice-cream soda, and soon i did too. He loved telling jokes, and soon i did too. He loved spending time with people, and soon i did too. He loved helping others, and soon i did too. He loved being there for people when no one else did, and soon i did too. He loved so many simple things. I still remember a joke he once told me. "What did one tomato say to the other? You go ahead first, and i'll Ketchup" man did it crack me up back then. He first showed me what it was to support others in sad times. Once during chinese new year, non of the cousins wanted to help me play as i didn't know some of the games and i felt so sad and left out. But my grandfather chose to help and guide me. Which stopped my tears, knowing someone was there for me.

Lastly, my grandfather emphasised family togetherness. He invested in a nice round marble table and always insisted everyone gathered round it and eat. He made sure everyone had an enjoyable time eating dinner. "Jia Biu" (eat rice in hainanese) was always with the family. Values like these he made sure we understood. So here's an end to my tribute to my late Ah Kong, thank you for all you've done. I love you very much.

Grandpa's Table

Grandpa's Table was a place of laughter and fun
family sat around and talked everything under the sun
sometimes though there might be a quarrel or two
but grandpa always made sure the storm didn't brew

Grandpa's Table was a place to learn
nuggets of wisdom were always earned
if you'd listen to what was said
treasure awaits you in life ahead

Grandpa's Table was a place to cry
and let go of your every sigh
He'd always be there to give me a hug
his warm embrace was always snug

Grandpa's Table was a place to eat
He'll wait till everyone got a seat
Savoury, Salty, Spicy or Sweet
ever present, a delightful treat

But Grandpa's Table is just a fable
a mere tool to a man who used it well
the true beauty is hidden within
i found it underneath wrinkled skin

Through Angel's Eyes

2007-04-29T04:14:00.000+08:00

5 o'clock and all is well
the clear resonance of the ornate church bell
a little girl, an innocent she
goes round the town playing, happy
under a gentle, orange, cloudy, sky
the world was beautiful through angel's eyes
--
5 o'clock and all is hell
soldiers horde and raid with rebel yells
a little girl, hiding among the debris
thinks to herself: "how can this be?"
under a blood streaked, smokey, anguished sky
the world was broken through angel's eyes

war

By His Spirit

2007-04-07T04:54:00.000+08:00

In fields of gold basked in maroon sky
an image of a man caught the corner of my eye
how glorious, how majestic was He
clothed in splendor, beautiful as can be
as singing breeze and dancing leaves gulfed on mount high
a willow dove wisped through the sky
draped in blood, shed for us
By His Spirit there is hope
To fly over every tree and withering slope

happy birthday

2007-03-24T01:34:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday

The rain beats gently on my window
as winds sweep through the room
i couldn't help but notice
my heart, reflected the sky of gloom

i loved the times we spent
wherever it may be
the things we shared
both laughter and tear
but not for now, since you're not here

Trust in the Lord, hear and obey
you had to go. For you i'll pray
and hush, in silence i weep a tear
the happy birthday you weren't here

Deadwood

2007-02-25T17:45:00.000+08:00

Drifting out in the middle of the open sea
discarded and broken i fell off the tree
no where to go now, Lord save me

Recollecting Times

2007-02-11T08:46:00.000+08:00

While formerly volunteering at Focus on the Family, i'd normally be treated to an array of different songs and tunes, courtesy of buskers situated between the MRT station and Junction8. The thing about busking and people is, that they most likely wouldn't spend the time to hear the whole song, busily they walk by and drop a coin or two, and then scurry off. Occasionally, there might be a few who stop and listen, instead of hearing.

I really enjoy stopping to listen, to me it's like being of counter-culture, and showing the individual who's performing respect and appreciation. A simple thank you and a personal response like 'wow that was really great' or 'your rendition of that song was excellent' would really bring cheer to them. And i'm really greatful too, sometimes a song that they sing might be an old song, long forgotten by many, or hardly heard nowadays. Last night, while walking past bugis, i heard a song that my dad used to sing. It's by Simon and Garfunkel

El Condor Pasa (I'd Rather Be)

I'd rather be a sparrow than a snail
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd rather be a hammer than a nail
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

Away, I'd rather sail away
Like a swan that's here and gone
A man gets tied up to the ground
He gives the world its saddest sound
Its saddest sound

I'd rather be a forest than a street
Yes I would, if I could, I surely would
I'd rather feel the earth beneath my feet
Yes I would, if I only could, I surely would

so here's paying tribute to all the unsung (no pun intended) heroes on the street. You keep music of the past generations alive. Thank You. Thanks to a certain Uncle Robert who performed this song, and thanks dad for filling my childhood with music to remember.

Summer Breeze

2007-02-04T17:49:00.000+08:00

The Knights Of Old

2007-01-20T17:51:00.000+08:00

something i penned awhile back.

Flip through the pages of a fairytale
perhaps you'll find joy, enchanting
like the midnight serenade of a nightingale
an adventure awaits, like a ship setting sail

through the pages, many stories are told
but gone are the times, of the knights of old
a dying breed, fading away
perhaps gone altogether
at the end of medieval day

not many now stop to see, or smell the flowers
or paitiently wait below a maiden's tower
to whisper and exchange sweet little nothings
or serenade of her beauty, with the sound of strings

true knights did not corrupt the court
but always lent a shoulder for support
true knights were known not by mere title
perhaps set apart by greater source of strength,
through the Word of God, the Holy Bible

fearless in battle, yet gentle in touch
with chilvary and integrity, yet in humility, much
living life to it's fullest
but above all laying it down
for King and master, for the safety of the crown

as the book closes and the pages thin
and further you are, from reality's twin
you might ask where the knights have gone
perhaps they rode into the night
or perchance flew away on creatures of flight
perhaps some fell in glorious battle.
but whatever the reason may be
gone were the days of the knights of old
for now their armor is worth its weight in fool's gold
as they stand in museums, lifeless and cold

Oh God, teach us how, to truly be men
to stand up for the truth, to defend
to be strong when needed, but only by Your strength,
to broken before You, and know how to cry
and allow You to wipe the tears dry

Teach us how to love, and accept it as well
to be fully satisfied, only by You
for when time is ripe, and a princess You send
Your Love will reign, as broken You've mend
daily we pray, to meet You, trancsend

2006-12-31T02:12:00.000+08:00

Lost for words
Lost for word
Lost for wor
Lost for wo
Lost for w
Lost for
Lost fo
Lost f
Lost
Los
Lo
L

Find me Lord, down on my knees

The odd one out

2006-12-06T16:38:00.000+08:00

when you're alone and feeling low
when each second is torment, slow
voices around seem not to care
leaving you in lonely dispair

when you're faced with daunting trials
when the road seems not to end for miles
and no one around hears or listens
the ice is cold, the frost glistens

but take a minute to examine the cross
for it is the epitome of gain and loss
The King crowned in scarlet traces
while seeing hatred in man's faces
Jesus took all the sin and all the shame
while they spat and mocked His name

i examined my pain and beyond doubt
King Jesus, was the odd one out

A Father's Love

2006-11-16T00:12:00.000+08:00

Butterfly Kisses - Bob Carlisle

Ball and Chain

2006-10-15T02:59:00.000+08:00

Somehow, forcing will upon something

is like hearing a melodious bird singing
but the string attached?
the bird is caged

In both instances, beauty is somewhat lost
yes, the bird still serenades
but perhaps its heart is breaking
restraint

slowly, softly, sunny gets blue
to the bird singing is no more a pleasure
it is now for the jailer's leisure

Oh Lord God, set me free
to write once more
for you will heal my heart
consecrate and set apart

2006-09-30T15:08:00.000+08:00

There is both gentleness in strength
and strength in gentleness

The Scientist

2006-09-24T01:16:00.000+08:00

Who could make much of a pungent fart?
perhaps question health, or see it as art?
only scientists.

death, comes tuesday

2006-09-20T10:03:00.000+08:00

Tuesday, a knock on the door
twice its happened, perhaps more
a chill sweeps, causing shivers
entities depart, bodies wither
two weeks now i've heard it happen
tears stream among brethren
through death
many learn about life
move along now, forget strife
for death came tuesday to teach lessons
to those willing, those in discretion
in You oh Lord,
there is hope
come heal the hearts
that are broke
You wipe the tears and remove the fears
for each single day, You speak
and shine, in places bleak
much beauty, there is in death
for when used by You, it brings breath

To the special woman of my childhood

2006-09-15T01:05:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile, since she left. 10 years, then, an incident that changed my life. Leaving me with a feeling the word sad couldn't justify. She had to leave, that i know. Many times i recall, the times she fed me, woke me up in the morning and the songs she sang. Her name is Julie, she was my maid. Recently, i found one of the songs she sang playing in my head, compelled, i went searching for it. It's a children's song, about ducks.

Five Little Ducks

Five little ducks that I once knew,
Fat ones, skinny ones, there were two,
But the one little duck with the feathers on his back
He ruled all the others with his "Quack, quack, quack".

Down to the water they would go,
Widdle-waddle, widdle-waddle, to and fro,
But the one ...

Into the water they would dive,
Over and other the other five
But the one ...

Oh yes he ruled all the others with his "Quack, quack, quack".
I said he ruled all the others with his "Quack, quack, quack".

Thank you Julie, for all that you've done in my life.

But God...

2006-09-11T09:58:00.000+08:00

God You are amazing
every step of the way, You were there
burned lessons deep within
and now
giving me reasons and purpose
to bless
to smile
to cry
Your Joy gives me strength
You first.
now calling us to be seated on thrones
humbly, i accept, though unworthy
Your hand it comforts
You are the humble king
You give me so much
make me exited, blush
But God, You first
and Your will be done
all Glory to You

Issues Of The Heart

2006-08-22T04:37:00.000+08:00

Ever heard the phrase
"i tore out my heart, but you left it bleeding"

when you give your heart to people, or even someone special, sometimes, you are the one that gets hurt the most. more often, the person who "left it" didn't ask of such a gesture, many a times, we as humans feel only one side, the insensivity of the result most likely was caused by our insensitivy to truly feel. Caged, our emotions run wild an outpouring of the heart leads to pain unpleasureable, but plainly, the person didn't ask of your heart. No mistake, they do see where you are coming from, but they too might not know how to respond, they might not want to further hurt your feelings by taking it and knowing that one day it will return back to you, only in a condition which is much worse than was first presented, to them, a clear cut from the start would be better than a false hope. Sometimes too, the recipient just wouldn't know what to do, with such intensity. Relationships are no small matter, marriage is a lifelong commitment. Don't dwell in the past.

However, there has always been someone who has always been asking for your heart, only if you'd give it to Him willingly, His name is Jesus, He'll fix your heart, only if you allow Him to, He wants to minister in every faucet of your heart, removing the hurts, the pain, the junk. Restoring and renewing He will begin. A heart transplant, a surgery like no other. Only if you allow Him to, in the still, quiet, secret place. Give your heart to Him. He'll not let it bleed. He'll patch it up. Trust in the Hands of the Most High.

Beauty Whilst No Sunshine

2006-08-18T02:52:00.000+08:00

There may be no sunshine
but can't you still see the beauty
in the soft, still night?

The Sad Clown Dies A Happy Death

2006-08-10T00:05:00.000+08:00

Wipe the paint off my face
so traces of false happiness You can erase
come close, closer than ever before
so i can once again be free, free to adore
how long can i parade on in this empty tent
with people saying things about my time spent
juggling, balancing, and all other acts
yet going on numb, nevermind, relax
all the smiles you see is but disguised
come, remove the paint, you might be surprised
the sad clown sits alone in the empty tent
crying tears unknown, oh cruel torment
come Oh Lord God, remove the mask of multicolour
i want to be true this very hour
Dead am i, my happiness in descent
for i fall back on Everlasting Arms, now ascent

At The Bus Stop

2006-07-24T02:14:00.000+08:00

Just now, while walking back from Eunos (where mervyn blessed me with a lift and dropped me off at) i walked back home after buying the "wan bao" for my grandmother. I came across a boy walking barefooted to the bus stop, i felt there and then that he had alot on his mind, and was feeling a little sad. He then sat down and started to just look into space.

As i walked by, i just decieded to just try comfort him. Doing what little i could, i sat down and tried to talk to him, by then he already had tears in his eyes they stared to roll down his cheeks. I put my arm around his shoulder and just did what i could, gently patting and just what you'd do when someone is crying. I asked him if it was about his parents and he nodded, and asked if he would like to talk about it, but he declined. So i just sat with him and just kept comforting him, i knew too that it was hard for him, i being a stanger in his life and all. I didn't share with him about Jesus, but i did share how i too, when i was younger, was sad and depressed as well and i ran out to the bus stop as well, seeking solitude, or rather, seeking something or someone to help me. I guess that helped a little as he decieded it was time to go back home. While walking back i found out that his name was Timothy. I walked him back home and we parted at the gate, seeing him a little happier. I didn't do much i guess, i did what i could, but somehow maybe i felt i was lacking in how i handled the situation, if i should have shared about Jesus, and my past struggles with my parents as well. Questions aplenty i guess, but while walking back i sought God for his inquiry and as my name's meaning is, God is my judge, and asked Him how i did. I didn't get a "you did well" or something along those lines, but what i got was that, it was He who sent the little boy at that timing, and everything was His will, only if i chose to stop and take awhile, then i guess in that, i can consider that good. : )

I thank God for it was He that made me this way, knowing how to feel for others and how to just love them - even though im just doing simple things, and not needing to say anything smart or talk about God. But im sure there is room for improvement. Oh Lord, teach me Your ways, or Lord my God. Thank You, thank You for giving me life, and using me. Thank You for teaching me how to deal with things thus far, and i know You are going to do greater works. Thank You Lord. Amen.

Obedience

2006-07-21T01:11:00.000+08:00

Don't feel like saying anything today. But more often than not with God, feelings are transended. Been having good times with God over the last few days. Brokeness upon brokeness. Rivers of tears. Shaking what needs to be shaken. Things that i surrendered yesterday might need to be done so as well today. And i want to surrender this paranoia and lack i feel that once i've connected deeply with someone, the relationship is bound to deteriorate. That's not true for all in any of my friendships, when markus went to canada, i did not blame anyone, i did not feel that i was losing anyone. I NEVER HAVE TO FEEL THAT WAY! It doesn't mean that if people leave my life that all are leaving. But now i make the choice, and the choice to put it into words.

I give this to you Lord, all i need is YOU
Even if another didn't connect deeply
I have You
I know You

Make this evident in my life. Its all yours. I don't need to pour out to anyone but You first. Thank You Lord.

Taking a Walk

2006-07-18T21:17:00.000+08:00

These last two days have been great, God has been speaking to me, through many different things, and through many people. Once again, it was beautiful, it has been a new and renewed walk these last 3 days. I deceided to take walks, out towards bedok, and seeing houses around the area. Yesterday i walked towards Chai Chee and ended up near the Church near the highway, there i saw a group of secondary school boys playing soccer, i watched for awhile and then they kicked the ball out of the court. So i went and got the ball for them, and guess what? they said "thanks uncle" hahaha! watching a little longer, a player was injured, and at this point i felt God telling me to go ask if i could join them, so i did, and they agreed to let me play. It was fun just playing although i don't even know how to play, didn't score a goal but blasted a shot high, Argh.. hehe. In the end, the injured player came back on and scored the winning goal haha, I thanked the guys for letting me join in the fun and continued on my way home.

Today i went to see the recidences around kembangan that i haven't seen before. It was great getting to know a place better, and whats more i never knew although i stay in the same area. Many nice houses - i just love looking at houses, i don't really know why, but maybe its because i just want to get ideas and looks for my future house perhaps, haha, farfetched. I decieded then and there to pray and walk, prayed for those homes that didn't have Christ dwelling in them, and for their salvation. A simple thing that i've done, but i know that somehow seeds are planted. Thank You Lord for showing me many things this last 2 days, how to live my life, who i am, who You are and how to love others. Thank You Jesus.
Looking forwards to more walks... good for excercise too!

Grateful

2006-07-17T10:15:00.000+08:00

Its been awhile since i last posted. All i can say is that during that time i was really seeking God and He was shaking things in my life and in me that needed to be shaken, the many misconceptions about Him that i had and how i saw myself as well. It wasn't easy. But i thank the Lord for keeping me, i know i can never blame Him for anything bad or tough that i go through in life, although during the process people do discourage me, but i take comfort in counting the cost and choosing the right response. Knowing God is not just about revelations, neither is it just about reading the word and praying, all those are good, but what i've learnt is that knowing God is about looking back at points in life that were tough and you could not pull through, and seeing how He saved the day and changed things around. That's the reality. That's how i know God is REAL. He just pulled me through and carried me. Deep emotions, hurts and things that i clinged on too as my indentity, all i can say now Lord, is THANK YOU. I want to build my identity in Him, because if i build it on anything else, one day, it will fade away. I am also grateful for Him putting great people in my life, beautiful people, ones that have built their foundations and identities in Him and Him alone. I look back and see how God has sent people too, in my dark hours, being me who would keep to myself, God sent people to speak and affirm me. Believing in God is Faith. Faith is believing without seeing, as much i cannot see God now, I saw glimpses of Him through the people that supported me along the way. My gratitude cannot be measured in earthly quantities. You oh Lord knew me and shaped me, You made me different in a way, sometimes You even say i am more different from others. I want to believe that now. I don't want to hate myself any longer. I am free in You Oh LORD!

I just want to take a special note of 16th July, which was yesterday, that day i experienced God in a real big and different way. Firstly to open up and share during the prayer at JYC, secondly a step to bless the younger ones as a ministry (not mine Lord, but yours). Thirdly for God telling me to come out and trust Him and how to know Him, that shook me greatly, i made the choice while walking to Kopitiam to fall back on Him and Him alone, even though i may walk what seems a lonely road. I CHOOSE to be happy because i am in You God! Thank you Lynn for that. And last but the most fulfilling part of the day, the time i spent at east coast. That was the most enjoyable part of the day, processing everything with God and sorting it out, i had a chance to just be free and be me during my dinner/supper. Sharing things of my past and myself, which i never really liked doing because i thought it was too much of self. But now i know that is not true, being true to yourself enables you to share about yourself without any bad feelings or thoughts that people might have a misconception. That's Freedom. So i thank you, Dear lovely friend, Jing'en, for it was a privilege to just spend that time with you. I thank God for the heart He has given you, how you chose to obey Him even though you didn't feel comfortable putting the day's message into action, also how it feels and concerns for others around you. I thank God for the sight and insight He has given you, for it has enable others, i'm sure, to see. God really made you special, for your ability to appriciate and understand many things, how diverse some may be. Yes, stars and surroundings He made for you, and those who take a little time to just look around. (:

Thank You Lord for friends. I never need to be afraid of losing any now, because even if i do, i know at least i have blessed them and vice versa. The best friend i can have is You Lord Jesus.

Tossed Salad and Scrambled Eggs

2006-06-28T01:48:00.000+08:00

Various components, each with its own unique flavor blend to create something totally different.
Or do i just feel tossed and scrambled?

A Picture

2006-06-19T23:20:00.000+08:00

A journey of a thousand miles
begins with but one step
put your best foot forward
though there might not be a map
over raging seas and stormy skies
take not the destination of your eyes
crossing slopes and mountains high
the darkness of night fades away
Lord the sunsrise You made, the break of day
You drawed me close, you prepared the way
To the Holy of Holies, will i go every day
You call me your son, no other way

Teens camp 06 Theme picture

Fishy Fish

2006-05-25T23:58:00.000+08:00

Ever heard the proverb,

Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day
Teach a man how to fish and you'll feed him for a lifetime

I've been having some funny thoughts about it hehe.

Ever thought if you know how to fish?
How about cooking the fish? Raw Fish... MMMM
Sashimi isn't as easy to make as it as easy to eat
What if that person didn't want to learn?
If you taught everyone, soon the whole world will be left with inedible fish
Master Fisherman = many years of paitience
And the list can go oh so long

now, I should take that list and reflect
am i covering these aspects
instead of touch and go when interacting with people?

God help me see the small things
and not to just have a one off affair
Daily, to dine with thee
The beauty of proverbs
help me see

Eyes on me

2006-05-21T23:55:00.000+08:00

its a little long..
but do stay till the end.
Beautiful

There

2006-05-12T23:45:00.000+08:00

The beauty of the morning sun
breaks the silent dusk undone
sounds of melody filled the air
ending the night of solitaire
seeing from corner his eye
the radiance o'er the sky
empty were the words to speak
his thoughts ablank and oblique
its like he had so much to say
but none
like the night that has gone away
come Oh Lord
fill the emptiness
in Your presence i want to immerse
take me in
to the secret place
i only want see Your Face

Timelessly, Unforgettable

2006-05-06T13:49:00.000+08:00

The Look Of Love

2006-05-04T01:58:00.000+08:00

Songs on the mount

2006-04-27T00:05:00.000+08:00

you know, i've never really liked listening to Hillsongs, United etc. etc. Don't get me wrong i'm not discrediting the people, the bands and the song, in fact they are great people, good bands and they give their all in their worship to Jesus. If people swapped their heavy metal albums for this, i would be delighted.

But the reason why i do not really like them is that people like myself listen to an album like that, end up singing the songs and it's like we know the songs like the back of our hands. People listen to them and some go: "Hey! That's a nice song! I must learn how to play it!" the danger in that is, that sometimes as humans, we tend to get caught up with the song, rather than the PURPOSE of the song. The purpose of the song is to Worship God! During worship, by His Grace He comes into our midst whilst worshipping, He touches us, embraces us and falls upon us. Thank You Lord Jesus for loving us, Glory to You and You alone - You are "The Great I Am"

However at times it's like we respond to it with a rush of emotions - the style of music causes a jolt of excitement in us, and at times, we know it in our hearts that we are going with our emotions. I'm not condemning anything here, all i'm saying is that sometimes the line is so easily crossed, and we must be careful. I don't want to sing it at that moment and then a day after that hurt Him by not doing what i sang. Oh Lord, please help us in our walk. Often you want to test us if we truly mean what we sing in Worship. And often we fail. Help us Oh Mighty Lord.

If you ask me, i prefer a more gentle approach to Worship. Singing the songs that He has placed in our hearts. Haha, but that's the beauty of His creation, to each his own liking, coupled with the Will to Choose that He has given us, how Beautiful.

Actually, writing this has made me learn to appreciate this kind of music a little more. (: but all that's important is to Worship Him in Spirit and in Truth.

juxtapoz

2006-04-19T01:25:00.000+08:00

sh9i09slm94u92413kmksmd92#4139
qzaxcvpopadoipqwekmmcsdoiasjiotnr
eipqtipodjakn46vnzkndmcnvmnbvyu
woidkxvxm,cmnhurwhtuwrhisofijosjvl
khjuw3urhyuhvgjksnvsdvosjdpituuoil
osfoaiusdkasndasda5sdaosdoiajosdjao
jinmzncmvnjheoutuioeujznvmnzxcjhff
zxcnvmznvjznxv97xvuhyaudytoquieh
oaeuirioqetgkodv God kjghwrutuwrqui
sdiojknmzmcvnasadagoiqoiuioiyyaosi
=9qeu09tu1kmaklsm0-ilmm!@!@6a
!&^!AajifjaZMO{A~iqjg-13ioa;m0-i9ad
Yz,m193-9tkamd,gmi-0algknmalkpai
z][xvp][q,.[,v[pqk-e0-139897587aksk
~1i49ilmas;,dfmzxvpiop-869-8aofaakl
dA3iitoklmz,mvu9t1-3-0a;lkdk-00-d
1395-90kaspkdalpsjki9tikgknmvmxn

Lord, be the center.

Though Glass Eyes

2006-04-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

.sraeT

glass tells this story
through it reflection

amorous

2006-04-14T02:20:00.000+08:00

Here's a little something that i wrote
after listening to Colin Raye's "Love Me"

love is blind
and at times unkind
they say love lasts forever
but yet at times seem to fade - as if never
love is an age old mystery
love is seeing an imperfect person, perfectly

i really admired the understanding between the grandparents
how they knew what to say to mean much with little words
- a tear-jerking song.

The poem is just about the take on love as humans understand it,
but know there is a greater Love that is perfect.
Only in "The Great I Am" is love made whole.

A Sporting Affair

2006-04-05T14:13:00.000+08:00

People often wonder about the choices i make in who i choose to support
in the sporting arena, be it basketball or football some have often
made jokes or laughed at the clubs and players i support.
It does not really affect me though.
Why see a man for his skill rather than his intagibles?
Character is something that tend to be overlooked nowadays
After all's been said and done in the professional sporting world
What's left of a man is not his money,
not by his legacy,
but by his
Character

Vlade Divac

people often laugh when i mention that Divac (Dee-Vats) is my favourite player of all time.
"He's keeps flopping" they say, trying to draw the charging foul.
But Divac has something most big men in the league do not have,
the natural instincts to play the game
He's the best passing center of all time
and is often witty and humourous in the post match interviews
and in regards to his flopping, the commentators often say they miss it
cause no one could do it as well as his did.
and that definately deserves an Emmy Award.
Vlade retired from professional basketball last year
Here's a small tribute to my favourite player

New Blood

after Divac's retirement, i did not really keep up with the NBA (actually i never really did)
but while playing NBA Live 2005, i found another player that i liked.

Pau Gasol

Gasol is rather new in the NBA and a long career is still ahead of him
but he's already playing like a veteran
posting up more than 20 points in every game
and grabbing plenty of rebounds as well
His career Hi-lights?
He was the NBA rookie of the year in his first year
and has been selected to the western all stars
grabbing more than 10 rebounds in the all star game
Although i do not follow him like a statistical nut
I'll always support him no matter what
like Divac, both men have a little something extra -
Character.

Gourmet Food For The Ears

2006-04-02T00:00:00.000+08:00

Here are some of the greats of past and present

They are my personal favourites in their own respective ways

The King

Nat "King" Cole
Unmatchable Diction

Favourite Male Singer Of Days Past

The Mother of Jazz
Ella Fitzgerald
A Voice With No Equal

Favourite Female Singer Of The Old Days

The Major
Glenn Miller
Genius Composer, Excellent Trombone Player

Favourite Big Band & Conductor

The Pianist
Diana Krall
Gentle Voice, Silky Fingers

Favourite Pianist & Modern Female Singer

The Latino
Cal Tjader
Talented With Numerous Instruments

Favourite Latin Jazz Musician & Arranger

The Best
Lee Ritenour
Sensational With The Guitar

Favourite Guitarist And Instrumental Jazz Musician

Movie Star

2006-03-26T13:28:00.000+08:00

As Anton would sing, "If a picture paints a thousand words then why can't i paint you?" eeks.

Léon

2006-03-11T00:45:00.000+08:00

If you have ever asked me about movies in general, i might be the possibly the worst person to talk about that - well, you see, that is because i hardly ever watch them! Yes, it sounds unheard-of, coming from this movie watching generation, and the generations before. I guess, movies have that appeal to people as for some films, there is a sort of a tinge of fantasy that people find amazing, or either see it as a form of escapism, into that cinema, for that period of time, in another world. Other factors that give movies that allure is either the "not-much-brain-required-i-want-to-see-action" flicks or its opposite, the interlectual, intense and intriguing.

The movies i like basically require strong character developments, how you follow the characters and get to understand their backgrounds, how they got there and maybe their contrasting conflicts. What i find nice is a show that is heart-felt and warming. 'Kolya', i'm not sure if you've ever heard of it was one of the best films i watched to display what i mean. It is a czech movie based in the time of Czechosloviakia, particularly when the country was under Russia. Well i wouldn't want to spoil anything so that's that. Other movies that i really liked as well include 'L.A. Confidential', 'I Am Sam', and 'To Kill A Mockingbird' (the old black and white).

When i was much younger about 7 years old, i remember watching this movie with my mother. There was an asassin who spoke with a very heavy european accent, and a young girl he protects. The film was most likely in french, and had english subtitles. There was one scene i remembered, it was when the asassin was mortally wounded and could not extract the bullet out his back, and thus, the girl had to do it for him. I remember quite vividly of him shouting after saying "Do It!". I remember after the show i was crying in my bed at about 1.30 a.m., it was the first time i ever stayed up till so late as a kid. I kept reminiscing myself crying because the man i grew to love - instantly - on the screen for his great chilvary, courage and valour, had given his own life. I teared till i fell asleep...

About 10 years have passed since that night, and the subconsciously i guess i kept it till now. Afew nights ago i was talking to Queenie, and we talked about many things under the sun/moon and the topic came to movies. And she inquired what i really loved watching. And i described to her the movie that i just have in the paragraph above. And she said "hmm sounds familiar.. The Professional?" with this bit of information, i smiled in my heart. After all these years.. i finally get a chance to recollect my memories. Watching the movie was the next thing i wanted to do. I found the movie on mininova, prior to that i typed the professional on wikipedia to get some information at first, and found it was also known as Léon, and downloaded it without any hesitation.

The movie stars Jean Reno, and Natalie Portman in her movie career debut. To cut the long story short, and to prevent spoiling it, the show was really great. A magnificent work. I felt such a deep sense of emotion run through. I admired the character himself. Léon. Jean Reno simply was outstanding with Léon's character. However it was not the movie that i remembered. But it will go down in the hall of fame, at least, my much unvisted one - in my heart. But unfortunately, it was not the one that i fondly remembered.

I was talking to Stacey not long after, and too was asking me what movies i absoultely loved. I mentioned Léon, that it was about an asassin and a young girl. She said:" You should watch 'Man on Fire'! I loved it!' so went and checked wikipedia. I have a strange feeling that the old 1987 version is the one i am looking for. I will try to get it, in the meanwhile i shall try to watch the remake. (: Old Treasures can be found among the new as well. Treasure each time you get to talk to someone. Treasure those new relationships, and keep the old close, but if there is an Ungodly Soul tie, ask The Lord to cut it off, so that you may be deeply rooted in Him. Life, too, is like a movie, don't you think?

Life, an everlasting learning journey

2006-03-06T04:02:00.000+08:00

Hello! Welcome to my show! my name johnny, you are on the show for call zhng my car! ... Alright, impersonations aside, well, its been a long time since i wrote anything here. Mostly writing stuff specifically to bless others, and sometimes its just hard to make your whole agenda to come here and just blog.

Anyway, i've really learnt so much from the one and only Awesome God, The Great I Am. He has given and taught me abundanty even though i know i dont deserve it. That's due to His nature, a kind and merciful one. You know, He has mostly spoken through others or while you i am just sharing about something and then and there you see a connection to experiences you have been though and suddenly, its all a great and beautiful piece. Most often than not, it is such a great thing that tears start flowing down my cheeks. All that i've been through was worth it. The refining fire though initially pain, starts to cool and set and when you fill in the missing procedures, it becomes pure. It was all worth it. Of course, that is not all, there are many small revalations and maybe even a deep root or two that requires pruning. There is still so much more to learn though, the journey has just begun. Lead the way my Lord.

Well, if you'd notice, i've got a new feature added. Haha thats right, despite being HTML illitrate, it happened. But of course, it took quite some time. (: My Utmost respect goes out to the person who created HTML. It must have been hard.

Life as it is isn't the same anymore. You know, i find it really difficult to write/talk about myself. Its like self glorification in a way, and the funny thing is, i think other people are better discribing you rather than it being the other way around, or at least in my case.

Woo.. i'm getting really sleepy. Hope to be back soon (: and yes, the highly improbable has happened. Its two posts in a day.

Back.. With a Laugh

2006-03-06T03:42:00.000+08:00

Making people smile, laugh, or feel special. I really love doing these. Be it doing something ridiculous, playing the fool or by just using words. Occasionally, there's always a different way to tickle one's funnybone.

a day at the Garden

2006-01-14T23:44:00.000+08:00

wow... its been awhile since the last post.. well basically wanted to share about this experience that i had not too long ago. I was doing gardening at one of Don's friend's place, and my goodness! It was a real challenge. Firstly i do not like to do gardening.. basically all i ever did for gardening was cut grass and water.. i never dared to venture into the soil because i simply cannot stand the feeling and the sight of touching.. ok enough said. Well so anyway i was doing it to bless Uncle Heng Kwai and Citi from YWAM. Little did i know that not only was it gardening, it was more than that we ended up clearing a whole bunch of bricks and debris from this HUGE pile of unknown black stuff which formed an insect's mount everest. There were lots of unused and mouldy roof tiles too, in the end we took 3 rounds to clear everything. Did most of the dumping in a HDB flat rubbish collection station (had to give $20 ang pao to the indian men) and just kept loading and clearing the mountain of whatever. We started at about 10 or 11 in the morning and worked all the way till about 63o - 7. Well just as we finished (or just decided that it was enough) God spoke while i was cleaning up. He said something like :" This garden is like your heart, or could be like it once was. Most of it looks good, but there are certain areas that are black and stained, some easy to remove and some are like a stronghold which you've built up over the years. But if you allow me to clean you, slowly each and everyday that you walk in Me i will remove bit by bit until your heart is totally clean. And it will be Beautiful." Wow.. God can really speak using anything as long as you are willing to hear. In the end we got $200 from Teresa and $100 went to each person respectively. Credit goes to my fellow workers - Don, Ben Wu, Uncle Heng Kwai and Merv (super sub) We did it for a good cause man. Bless others. And maybe just maybe get to learn something while doing it ;)

A Step Closer To Eternity

2006-01-03T02:36:00.000+08:00

Its a New Year, a time of new beginnings and new experiences in life. Lately, i've really been at a lost for words and nothing much seems to make me ponder about it for a long time, except for mostly the word of God and through meditating His word. I guess that at some point nothing else much would matter except His divine word.

Looking back at 2005, it was a year of much change. God has been moving and doing alot in my life and in YC, this year alone, i've really learnt and dealt with alot. I'm no longer bitter and angry at many things and people (oh God help me everyday) and my relationship with people have become better, for example getting to know people like Tany, Jiahao, Bassie, Brian, Edward, Stacey, Joette, Reg, Jeannie and lots LOTS more better. And best of all, with my own family at home.

The year gone by has brought many uncertainties too, but i thank God for His ever guiding hand, even though sometimes i cannot see it, i know it was certainly Him doing all the work. Thanks alot Daddy! I need more revalation on where to go next though.

Another thing that God has dealt with is how i see myself, i used to be depressed about alot of things, thinking too deeply about everything, and sometimes being overly sensitive. I think that i've been dealing with my identity for a very long time that even when God dealt with it, some people still kept thinking that i was struggling with it. Hehe, but maybe God is telling me not to go back there and that I AM FREE!! thanks simon. It was through constant prayer and counsel from brothers like Jiahao and Ian and Don and afew others that made the difference cause every single bit counts. Thanks guys.

God is also preparing me and slowly pushing me towards the deeper end of the pool. I noticed that He gave me bigger challenges and issues to help others deal with, and slowly raising me to be a leader, helping me see the false humility that constantly plagued me. Not saying good things about myself etc. sometimes just for affirmation from others.. well thats what a identity crisis can potentially develop into... so don't ever go there. God also gave me many dreams... alot of them seem to link up to a point. He first told me in a dream that i would be a great leader one day (of course at that time i thought it wasn't going to be) and that the times ahead are going to be very dark. I've been having lots of dreams with dark skies.. and that people i see live in fear of someone or thing. I pray that if it is true, and when the time comes there will be a strong army of His that will fight against the oppression and the darkness.

On a lighter note, 2005 has brought about a re-discovery of some of the talents that God has given me, I first wrote a poem when i was quite young, the most memorable one was in primary one where i even won a prize for my Jazzed up version of "hey diddle diddle" the nursery rhyme. Throughout the rest of my life up till now, i sort of wrote poems quite sparsely, but somehow looking back now, i sort of knew that it was there. And so in about June i began to write more and more, starting with a poem that He inspired me to write - in quite a distinct fashion, it was very personal as if He was speaking through me - wow. Thank you Lord. Well partly also quite an engima on what gave me the idea to write it. But soon after followed quite a number. Maybe i am to go into poetry but i still have much to learn (hahaha but i can use it to encourage and bless others!)

So 2005... wow has already gone by... reminising, it all seems like yesterday that 2005 began, partly also because i can still remember the first day of it. Thank You Lord and King and Daddy for such a wonderful and splendid year. You are indeed Awesome.

yet another year has past and gone
another journey in life is about to dawn
i thank Thee for all the You have done
it strengthens me for the long run

yet another year has past me by
but i have no regrets and no wondering why
Lord lead my in the days to come
that i may be strong and not succumb
give me grace and strength from above
to speak your truth and love
encouraging those who are in need of

FF8

2005-12-26T02:19:00.000+08:00

You are Laguna! Although you're way too shy with the
opposite sex, you've got a heart of pure gold. You're a good
leader and well liked by those who know you. Most of your
friends look to your good sense when they need advice.

Take the Final Fantasy 8 Test here!

Being Still

2005-12-24T01:08:00.000+08:00

Hush now child

hush now child
don't run away
just hear what Daddy has to say

hush now child
please stay with Me
and know that you make Me happy

hush now child
I've made you special from the miry clay
I've always loved you
there was never another way

Art for humour

2005-12-17T00:33:00.000+08:00

Inspiration, Ispirazione, Inspirasi

2005-12-14T01:55:00.000+08:00

In the diversity of cultures and languages, inspiration helps people strive on and creates a personal touch with each and every single person. Inspiration can be drawn by many sources and to each their own, that is, what we as individuals are spurred on by or what inspires us.

Inspiration in motion

Inspiration helps someone to climb
it can always come at any time
it brings ideas to many
it's sublime
it is the essense of writing and rhyme

Inspiration shows no discrimination
it appears in any artform and foundation
it opens up the world of imagination
motivation - its personification

Cry out to the Lord above
and He will shower you with love
He'll give you the inspiration you need
to bring you through life and succeed

what drives you?

a Html guru, umm goondu

2005-12-12T22:54:00.000+08:00

figuring out Html is not as hard as quantum physics or rocket science, or even the complexity of mathematics in my case, but i'm as perplexed as many are towards Crouch's scoring inability.

Lots of things going on at home, my grandparents are coming to stay permanantly starting sunday, looking forward to it, the good thing is that i can spend more time with them, and as my grandpa is bedridden and unable to speak, i wanna just spend time with him and reading the bible and things like that to him. Getting a chance to learn some new dishes from my grandma, her favourite - asam fish... so i guess i'll have alot to learn and benefit from. However space wise, my brother is coming to sleep in my room, and as we are completely different it'll be challenging, i just cant bear to listen (like i have a choice, he doesnt care what others think to him blasting it loudly) to all the japanese songs ahhh.. and all the other raving lamblastings. Oh well, we'll see how it goes. And the funny thing is he wants to listen to Diana Krall!! keeps asking my parents to buy her cd's but apparently he hasnt gotten any, and the only reason why he even knows about her is through me. snooping around my room and listening to what i listen to. Jazz is so much more than that.

As you can guess by now, im a Jazz junkie, just love it.

Excuse the Cheesiness

2005-12-12T04:06:00.000+08:00

yes, after alot of thought and coaxing, i have finally decided to create a blog, before i continue, yes i know the url name is kinda cheesy but hey its 415am. haha i'll have to thank sean tan for constantly calling me that.

I guess i'll try to use this space and blog as often as possible, i'll try to open up as much as possible, and just be who He has made me to be and maybe let people see something different about myself that not many know, im kinda like an in-betweener in the sense of extrovert and introvert. I mostly am an introvert when im by myself and sometimes an extrovert either due to circumstances or for the sake of entertainment, a balance is not really there but i guess i try to talk to people more often nowadays, and trying to make them laugh while im at it. Bringing a smile on someone's face and making someone's day.

Well, thats about all for my maiden entry, hmm still thinking of what to post as a staple but i guess i'll see what comes along.